Breaking the Chain: How Family Money Stories Shape Our Financial Future

The Night That Changed Everything: A Child’s First Money Memory

We all have that first memory about money. For Dr. Preston Cherry, it wasn’t just about dollars and cents – it was about family, trust, and lessons that would last a lifetime. On a rainy night, sitting in his father’s old Chevy truck, young Preston watched as his dad went to collect money from a family member. This moment would become more than just a memory; it would shape his entire approach to money and relationships.

When Family and Money Mix: The Good, The Bad, and The Healing

“Money ruins a lot of relationships and a lot of it is because there is not that open door communication,” Dr. Cherry shares during his heartfelt conversation with Stoy Hall on Day 10 of the 12 Days of Giving series. This simple truth hits home for many of us who have either lent money to family or borrowed from them.

The Three B’s of Money Relationships

Dr. Cherry introduces us to a powerful framework for understanding our money stories:

• Barriers: Past experiences that hold us back
• Boosts: Positive lessons that push us forward
• Boundaries: Healthy limits we set to protect ourselves and our relationships

“Just because my dad or we’ve seen this multiple times in our family… just because there may have been financial trauma with lending money before, does it mean that it has to be that way going forward?”

Breaking Free from Money Trauma

The Power of Writing It Down

One of the most practical lessons Dr. Cherry learned from his father was the importance of putting everything in writing. Even for small amounts like $20, his father would insist on a simple contract:

“I loaned Preston $20. He owes me $20 back by this date.”

This simple practice teaches:

1. Responsibility
2. Clear communication
3. The basics of how interest works
4. The importance of keeping promises

How to Say No (Without Ruining Relationships)

Dr. Cherry provides a script we can all use when faced with money requests:

“I thank you for coming to me and letting me know about it. Right now, I’m handling my business right now. I’m really giving all the attention to that. And I need every cent right now. If I’m in a better position, then obviously I consider it. Right now, I’m in a similar journey like yourself.”

Healing Your Money Story

Step 1: Acknowledge Your Past

Your money memories matter. They shape how you handle finances today. The first step to healing is recognizing these patterns.

Step 2: Open Communication

When money issues arise with family or friends, clear communication is key. Dr. Cherry emphasizes that ghosting someone about money owed is far worse than having an honest conversation about delays or difficulties.

Step 3: Set Healthy Boundaries

Sometimes, the best thing you can do for a relationship is to set clear financial boundaries. This might mean:

• Writing formal agreements
• Setting clear repayment terms
• Being willing to say no
• Keeping business and personal separate

Moving Forward: Creating New Money Stories

Dr. Cherry’s work focuses on helping people transform their relationship with money. Through his various platforms, he shares insights and strategies for building healthier financial relationships:

• Twitter: Follow @DrPrestonCherry
• Facebook: Connect on Facebook
• Instagram: Follow on Instagram
• LinkedIn: Professional Network
• TikTok: Watch Money Tips

When to Let Go

Sometimes, the best financial decision is an emotional one. As Dr. Cherry puts it:

“If you want to keep that relationship then… what we got to do is what we call just chalk that up. Or another phrase is charge it to the game.”

Creating Your Own Financial Legacy

The stories we create today become tomorrow’s lessons. Dr. Cherry’s experience watching his father collect debt in the rain could have become a barrier. Instead, it became a boost – teaching him the importance of clear agreements and respectful financial relationships.

Key Takeaways:

1. Your money story shapes your financial decisions
2. Written agreements protect relationships
3. Clear communication prevents misunderstandings
4. It’s okay to set boundaries
5. Some relationships are worth more than money

Building Better Money Relationships

Remember, every financial interaction is an opportunity to create a new story. Whether you’re lending, borrowing, or simply managing your own money, you have the power to write a new chapter in your financial story.

Looking Forward

As we move forward in our financial journeys, Dr. Cherry reminds us that understanding our money stories isn’t about dwelling in the past – it’s about creating a better future. By acknowledging our financial trauma, setting healthy boundaries, and maintaining open communication, we can build stronger relationships and healthier financial habits.

The next time you face a financial decision involving family or friends, remember Dr. Cherry’s three B’s: Is this a barrier, a boost, or a boundary? Your answer might just help you write a better money story for generations to come.