You hear about me talking about mindsets and behavior a lot on No BS Wealth. Hell, you see it on social media with me all the time as well. We usually stick to the higher level to get you started to get you going. But today with Colleen Pippen, we're going to go a little deeper. Into what are some steps that you can actually take and what you can actually do to really change, or at least take that step forward in adapting your behavior and changing your mindset. So without further ado, let's open up with why the hell did you get into the behavioral side of anything?

Carly Pepin:
1:59

Yeah, it's great to be here. Thank you so much. And so the reason why I got into it was my own challenges. A lot of misperceptions about my life around life in general around business finances, men, everything that you could possibly think of. It really got me depressed, right? Cause I had an unrealistic expectation on the way life should be as opposed to appreciating my life for what it was. And so I moved out of the country. I'm from Los Angeles. I moved to Australia thinking that would solve my problems. And when I was alone I realized that everything that I labeled a problem was actually the very thing that was distracting me from how unhappy I was. And that's when I found my first coach that actually taught me human behavior. As opposed to like traditional types of therapy. So we really got into the nitty gritty of the why things were happening. And as opposed to just talking about it, we started to transform it. And that was really helpful. And I saw amazing strides in my life in just the 1st, few months. And after that, I was just, I was hooked. There was things that I've been working on for almost decades that Sure to transform in months. And I was like, sign me up. How do I do this for a living? And since then it's just been learning more and understanding more and yeah, really just trying to dive into it to a greater degree.

Stoy:
3:15

Yeah. So you're saying that moving to a different country outside of the United States, wasn't the first step?

Carly Pepin:
3:21

It wasn't the fix, but it was one of the most inspiring experiences I've ever had. So the first couple of months were really rocky because obviously I had this fantasy that got smashed, but once I overcame it, it was quite cool. Yeah.

Stoy:
3:34

Yeah. We tell our clients, I tell a lot of people you need to travel, like you need to. Go learn other cultures and whatnot, because you'll learn more about yourself than anything. So it's really cool that said, peace out, LA, I'm going to go Australia. And now you live in the mountains, which isn't LA. So that's, that's a full spin there. When you took that time to rediscover yourself, whatever you took that time to understand a lot of it was issues from you and some things that you work on. You don't have to tell your entire story, but where do you think all of I guess the trauma or the false depictions of what life is supposed to be? Where did that start?

Carly Pepin:
4:13

Yeah, I actually, I totally don't mind sharing it either, by the way. So when we think about it, I have very unique experiences in my life that have caused me and driven me to perceive things a different way. And we all have these perceived traumas and whatnot. Yeah. And so it's interesting, it's not only perceived traumas that impact how we see the world and how we're embracing things on a day to day basis. It's also the perceived infatuations. For example, my mom and dad, they have a great relationship. They're one of those couples. They've been together forever. They're just, yeah, they're like, awesome together. Like they're meant for each other. They're that couple. And so that's what I grew up with. So I had a massive infatuation with relationships and I expected all relationships to look like that because I put their relationship on a pedestal, not realizing that every relationship is part of a whole. Quite unique. And we're all not meant to have what they have. We're meant to build our own unique form. And that's actually what makes it inspiring to us. So taking that off a pedestal has also been a huge journey. And so that's what I say it's not just the traumas that impact us, but also the things that we have infatuation with, because for my whole life, I've been trying to force people into this dynamic. That's actually not even a fit for me. It's a fit for them, but it's not even a fit for me or my Current husband, right? Or even my husband. And so for us, it's we're like, okay, we're going to get rid of all the noise and we just want to create our life, our relationship, the way that we would love to. But when we have that infatuation, we really inject that into our lives and authority. So that's one component. And then the traumas as well, we go through really large perceived traumas and then we go through ones that are also smaller. And I was actually just doing some extra work on one that felt like it hadn't quite been finished because I was still getting some anxiety. And anxiety guys, but just so you know, is like past perceived trauma, compound interest in anything that reminds you in your present moment of that past perceived trauma, you'll get anxiety. So it's like an indicator that something's unresolved. So I was like, something's unresolved. And it's like coming up more. And it was just a situation where my grandma had a restaurant. There was like a shooter in the parking lot and he wasn't even targeting the restaurant. He was specifically like targeting someone else there, but it As a kid, seeing that just had freaked me out. And because I had that unresolved trauma, there was still anxiety. There was still panic, but also it's to know that those traumas form like those, the beauty of what we love the most in life. And this is where we talk about shifting mindset. And, we can even talk about how to apply tools to be able to like, get over the hump because in that moment, when I was working on it, I got to see how it served me to go through something like that. And what it really did is it brought me. My family together. And it got me in my great aunt connected to such a high degree, which was amazing. She was the one who brought me in the back room. She was like guiding me to a greater degree. I remember her holding me in that moment. And it makes me like tear up a little bit because without that experience, I don't know if we would have connected that much. She was a little bit standoffish, and I only had a few years with her after that. So that moment right there was a pivotal moment in a relationship that is so near and dear to my heart, like even to this day, so it's like, When we go back and we look at the traumas and we see the purpose of why it served us, and there's a ton of other stuff, too, by the way, guys, but that was just one really example. That really hit me all of a sudden. I look back at it and it doesn't feel so stressful anymore. It doesn't feel like a trauma anymore. It just feels like an event that was meant to happen to bring the family together and it. Obviously my grandma's restaurant, the whole family worked there. So the whole family like really came together in a big way. That was a huge pivotal moment for our family. So it's really cool.

Stoy:
7:56

What you said there was an important piece. And then I have a question follow up to that. But the important piece you said is now it feels like an event. Yes. We, a lot of people out there. If you don't know that you have trauma the anxiety you feel with something, there it is. Okay. Congratulations. You have it. Now you know how, what it feels like. But when you get through something and you work on it, everyone says it just goes away. You don't think about it. That's not true. You do, but it just feels like a past event that happened as opposed to you. That thing that drives anxiety. So I wanted to make sure people heard that. And it's Oh, I'm, it's never going to be a gone. It's just, it changes what it feels like. My, my question was going to be around first you said step one you know what it feels like. That is what drama is. That congratulations, anxiety. The next step I wanted to ask is then when someone recognizes it, what is like the next thing they should do to begin this journey to heal from it?

Carly Pepin:
8:57

Definitely. So it's starting to put the puzzle pieces together to see what the current situation is reminding you of. If you have constant anxiety, it's okay. It's something that's going to pop up here and there. That's. It's going to be a little bit stronger in certain moments. So pay attention to that and ask yourself what does this remind me of? What are they doing right now? That's stressing me out. And who did that in the past? And when you start to ask those questions, you're going to start to peel the layers back to see where actually occurred before. And listen to your language too. Cause sometimes this is where it gets tricky guys. Like we say things that like, we don't even realize. We're saying and I caught this 1, I hadn't caught it yet, but I caught it. What did I say? I said oh, I said, I don't want to be around this type of life anymore. There was a situation in my neighborhood that stressed me out, right? It was just, there's cops and stuff. It just stressed me out. And I said to myself, I was like, I'm done with this. I don't want to be around this anymore. And I was like, Wait a minute. I said anymore, right? I didn't say I don't want to be around this ever again. I said anymore. That means that something happened in the past. That's actually triggering this moment to be incredibly stressful. And so that's when I say, pay attention to your language. Cause that was the moment that I realized something is unresolved. This isn't actually from today. This is from the past. And it's quite fascinating. Cause after clearing it, like That underlying anxiety since the event occurred is just gone. And it's nice guys. Your system feels neutral. You just feel neutral. So pay attention to your language. It takes time. This definitely takes time. It does take work because sometimes we just have these thoughts. It runs 100 miles a minute and we don't even pay attention to what we're saying. So it's definitely a refinement and sometimes it's a little bit tricky to find out what it is. I do go through a certain process with clients where we can find the common thread. It's a more advanced kind of question and process that I take them through. But, for example, I had 1 client during cobit, who started having panic attacks and during that time, basically, what was occurring is. They didn't understand where it was coming from. We kept trying to find a link, but nothing was coming consciously. So when I went through the process, all of a sudden I could see the pattern. And then when we found the pattern and I asked them the question, it was from the sudden death of a friend, that had passed away actually a few years back. And then COVID just reminded them of sudden death, right? So we had to work on that past trauma as well. So it really, it's worth, It's worth looking at also, which I know, we're going to be having this conversation. Yes.

Stoy:
11:36

A lot of our listeners are business owners or those that are wanting to be, and I say this every time to being a business owner sucks. Okay. It does. There's a lot of ups and downs and sideways things to go. Recently, a lot of topics have been coming up and even a couple guests in my podcast, but also on Twitter, we've been bringing up this imposter syndrome thing that's been going on. Can you speak to imposter syndrome? And my one question is, does it come from a little bit of the infatuation point, like where you want to be, you see this thing, I want to be it. And then you're it. And now you're like that ain't me.

Carly Pepin:
12:11

Yeah, you nailed it. Okay. So imposter syndrome is infatuation and infatuation causes the comparison. Great catch by the way. So it's really cool because what winds up occurring is you'll infatuate with someone on the outside, you'll admire them and you'll put them on a pedestal, right? And in that moment that you put them on a pedestal, that's when you start to try to become them. And as you said, you become that person and you're like, this isn't what I wanted. And so you're learning the lesson that you're admiring them. Over infatuating. You've injected their life into yours, and that's not authentically who you are. We're not meant to mimic the people that are out there that have done great things. We're meant to stand on their shoulders, not in their shadows, utilize them as a jumping off point. For our own lives, for our own careers, for our own self. And so what winds up happening with this comparison component is in the moment that you infatuate with someone, that's a disowned part inside yourself. Whatever you're seeing in that person that you think you need or you don't have, you actually haven't seen it within yourself in your own form. And so business owners, a lot of you guys are going to understand this. So for example, if I look at an athlete let's say I look at an athlete and I think, wow, this person has amazing stamina. I'll use a surfer as an example. Cause it's like the sport I follow. Yeah. So surfers, I see them surf all day. And they're doing it for hours. And I see their strength and how they get up on the board. And I'm like, the amount of endurance they have to be able to stay sustain that for sure. All day long is impressive to me. Okay. That's impressive. Now, if I put them on a pedestal, I might go out, which I have and try to be that surfer and stay out all day. It's not my thing. It's I like it, but it's not my full time job here. That's an unrealistic expectation for me to be who they are and do what they do to exercise the way they exercise, to practice the way they practice, train the way they train. And I've tried that before and I've utterly failed. But when I look at where do I have. Excellent endurance in my life. The same thing that I'm admiring. Where do I have that excellent endurance? Where do I have that component within myself that I could go all day long? Business straight up. I can do podcasts. I could do speaking engagements. I can work with clients. I love creating like content and information. So I'm just like, yesterday was all content creation day. I got like month and a half, like all pre done. And I had a, I had such an inspiring day and I went, All day. So I have the endurance to go in something that inspires me the most. And I can't expect the surfer to have that same endurance because that's not their values. That's not what's priority to them. And they can't expect me to have the endurance there. And so that's why we have the infatuation because it's actually a disowned part within ourselves. And we rob ourselves of the opportunity to see our own magnificence and where we're most inspired alive and thrive when we don't actually take the time to see where we do it in our own form. form and we disempower ourselves when we try to be like someone else. Emerson said it great. And envy is ignorance. Imitation is suicide.

Stoy:
15:08

Absolutely. I've been reading the purpose factor and I forgot who it's by. Cause I'm never good with names, but that being said is it focuses on like you figuring out what your purpose is and it drives you to exactly what you were talking about. It's where your endurance is. It's where your energy comes from. And you really should be doing those things because that's who you are. How do you, and have you, I probably have, but how do you deal that with a client when they're like, this is my purpose, but their energy is right. So for example, you're saying my purpose is surfing, but really. It looks like your energy is business ownership or content creation. How do you help someone go? No, it's not this, but it is definitely this.

Carly Pepin:
15:52

I'll actually go through various processes to get them to see it in their life. Cause if I just tell you it might be really obvious and I might just look at your life and be like, dude, you wake up every day and spend 10 hours on your business. You're not going to the beach and surfing cause you don't want to. It's obvious, but that doesn't matter unless, unless we see it from our own lives. And this is where I would say personal development becomes so important, move beyond the affirmations, move beyond someone telling you like what to do or not to do find the data in your life. In any console that I have, I'm going to find the data in their life to show them evidence of what's truly valuable to them. And it's funny. I just had this conversation with someone. Total business woman, by the way, and disowning that part and thinking they were supposed to focus on something else. And then when we got her to get, see it, we just went through just systematically over and over again. And when she finally saw it, it clicked, she cried and she was grateful. And she was like, I cannot believe I've just been fighting this for so long, but I love this. And I was like, I know. Yeah. I was like, I can tell it's a It's super obvious. So the important thing is finding the data in your own life because that's the true evidence that cements in permanent transformation. If I just tell you, it's not going to cement it in, but having the data where you see it in your own life, like that's where it gets cemented in. That's when you're like, this is real. Now I'm certain

Stoy:
17:15

we our financial planning process is really like that process. Like the first question we ask is what's your first money memory. We want to get them bringing up, whether it's trauma infatuation, what that matter, I don't have those terms, but I'm going to steal those and use those from now on. But we want to get them down to that raw, like emotion. And when we do, you do see a lot of tears, but it allows this transformation to take place and to move forward. The biggest, aha moment when we're in these conversations that I have with clients and that I see in general is the realization that this thing is a journey. This is not a quick fix. There's no such thing. And the fact that they're finally comfortable with who they are and their goals, not what society tells them. Their mom tells them their brother, their friend tells them to do like everyone, everyone's on their own journey. We all have our own goal. It might be different than everyone else's. So it might take less actual dollars. It might take more experiences traveling is what it is. But when you start to realize cool. I know where I'm going. I know what my journey is and I know it's going to take me X amount of years. It's where you see all that, they lighten up like they can stand taller and truly understand what's going on in life. Plus it allows them to make this decisions when they pop up and say no to people and just be like, no, that's not me. I don't want to do that. I don't want to do those things. Again, just bringing you back to your journey. So I find that part phenomenal.

Carly Pepin:
18:44

Yeah. It's definitely inspiring because it's sometimes we have these unrealistic expectations too, that we're not supposed to go through challenges and we might even try to get our kids like protect them from challenges. But this is the thing. It's like that money issue that you had when you were a kid is the thing that is driving you to pay more attention to it today, and if you don't have any money issues and look at the people who don't have any money issues, guess what? They're not actually paying attention to their finances. This is why they say shirt sleeves to shirt sleeves, where really wealthy people pass down their finances and the kids don't know how to manage it. It's not that they haven't been trying to teach them. It's just There's no void. There's no pain around not having it. Why do they even need to pay attention? Like they don't. And so genuinely it's that pain, that void, that challenge that drove you to actually want to pay attention to building your wealth, and when you figure that out, all of a sudden you can become more grateful for it. And so it's really important that we go back and. We look at this stuff. Cause these are the things that brought us to where we are today. We just haven't put together the dots yet.

Stoy:
19:49

I think that's where learning and your own personal development, but like doing different cultures and immersing yourself in someone else's journey in life, I think lightens where you're at and you can say Oh, like just, Oh, in general. With that. So when we've, we've recognized it, we're starting to take that first step and. Wherever we land, we're landing, right? How important is it to have a team around you to help you through on this journey? And this team can be made up of, from coaches to, Professionals in your business, whatever it is. How important is it to have a team?

Carly Pepin:
20:25

That's super important. We can't do anything by ourselves, all by ourselves. It's too much. It's too much. It's too overwhelming and it's an unrealistic expectation on ourselves to get everything right. I love human behavior and I have. Specific coaches that I go to at specific times, sometimes I have one that I work with mainly, but then there's also other times, which the other day I was like, I feel like this is the person to talk to about this. And I just go and I book it in. And so it's interesting because there's this dynamic where. I don't know. People like sometimes share in the media or something like how they're doing things on their own, but they're really not like we have assistance. We have, our second hand people. We have sometimes big teams behind us and big dreams, big goals, big inspiration, serving a lot of people. You're not going to get there unless you get there. Get help and assistance and figuring out the best form for you is wisdom. It's definitely wisdom. It's what can be taken off your plate. What do you not need to do? Where could you use some help that you also don't want to master this area of life, right? So for example, I don't want to master copyright. I don't, I hate doing copyright. That's not my thing. So it's wisdom for me to hire someone for copyright. I don't want to master websites. I don't, it's wisdom for me to hire someone to do websites, but I love human behavior and I spend every day diving into it to a certain degree. At least one time, maybe many. It's wisdom for me to take that on. That's my job. So look at your life and what you not want to invest in. Thank you. To that degree. And it's go delegate it to an outside source, so that's why a lot of business owners that I get to work with a lot of the entrepreneurs, they love growth, but they just don't want to spend as much time doing it as I do. And that's okay. That's okay. We go hire people who can help us and make it easier. Love you. Website copyright. I love you so much. Love you so much for being around. Yes. Thank you. I work with

Stoy:
22:25

these business owners and even yourself, you can answer this. I talk about investments because guess what? When people say money, they think investments hand in hand all the time. And it drives me up a wall because investments make up just like a small piece of what your life is about, right? Who gives a shit what you do in the stock market doesn't really matter. If your goals aren't being reached and you're miserable. So I'll start there. But what I want to say is what you're talking about. is investing, right? You're investing back into yourself. You're investing into your own time. You're investing into someone else so that they can do the website and copyright because it sucks. And it does suck. When you're working with these, entrepreneurs or even yourself, Is there ever a time where they're like, Oh, I don't want to spend that money because of whatever. And where you're like, Hey to grow this is your investment. It doesn't need to be in everything crazy. Just like you need to hire. Is there a time where that happens? And when it happens, how are you guiding them through? Hey, you can't do everything yourself to, Hey you do need a team.

Carly Pepin:
23:31

Yeah. So what's a really, it's interesting. I'm a bit of a different. Coach and consultant. This isn't the only thing that I do. I'm not going to be a Tony Robbins or Brene Brown. Not that I don't know that I'm not going to study and work like crazy and I don't have amazing things that I can help people with to the same degree. It's just, it's not my path. I love. Business. And so it's crazy for me to not have business on the background. So when I also have income coming in and other sources as well. So if someone doesn't want to work with me, there's less of a panic or a must or a need. And I don't use any of the sales tactics. I'm not going to convince you if you don't want to work with me, you're not going to work with me. What winds up happening is the ones who really like, I have one in my head right now. He'll be back. He really wants to work so bad. And the finances is definitely a bit of a stretch, but it's going to take a big life event to get him to come. And that's okay. And that's cool. Like people sign up with me from inspiration, even when they're in a desperate state, they're still inspired to work with me. And that's really important for me because the work I do, it's hard, it's challenging, but it's also quite transformational. So I want to make sure you're super invested and I'm not going to use the sales tactics and there's like manipulation stuff, like where you could basically reverse polarize someone into signing up for your products and services. And I'm like, no, like you're going to sign up from inspiration or you're not. So I love to educate. Education is a huge component. But Part of the reason why I love podcasting is education. So it's go get educated on the person that you're wanting to potentially invest in. And if you really resonate with them and there's that intuition that saying, do it, listen to your intuition. That's the biggest thing that I've learned even when hiring my own coaches and people, my intuition is often saying yes. And then sometimes I just want some extra education to like, get me that background and make sure. So again I have the podcast. You have a podcast. I'm sure you have stuff on your website and like other things that you put out there. So it's educate yourself. To make sure that you're understanding to a greater degree, what you're signing up for. And then also, even with me if someone's really inspiring, I'll get on the phone with them for another hour, just to answer questions and educate them about the process to a greater degree. Because for me. A client isn't just a client. It's not just like one package. Like I love working with people for long periods of time. So for me, it's I want to build lifetime clients and connections. I have such a high value and prioritize family to such a great degree. It's no wonder that's starting to spill into the relationships that I have with clients. So it's like when I get you, it's I want you. I want you forever. I want to be able to help you for as long as possible. Not lock you in, but like you're inspired to be here. You're inspired to get more information. And I just keep studying on the back end and learning on the back end as well. So each person I treat like a, like I'm selling a big business. How much time do you want? How much is necessary? What can I do to assist you to move you along? And how can I educate you? Cause my goal is to be able to help you for longer than, One package, one short period of time. There's so much you can do with personal development.

Stoy:
26:46

Is that a human trait or a human humanity in general? Like we want to be with people for a long time. Is that is that normal? Or is this transactional bullshit that we get from everything else under the sun? Normal.

Carly Pepin:
27:02

Sometimes people just a one and done this. Definitely. Sometimes they're one and done. It's I'm a one hit wonder for them. And I get it. It's totally cool. It really depends on values and what's important to you. And also the level of understanding of what you're getting out of this work. And it's quite interesting. And also I think it's to remember to I was working with someone for a few years and we got to this, we'd got some great work done and then we got to this one thing that they wanted to shift that was new. And when we got to the root of what it was, she disappeared. Just completely disappeared. And when I looked back, I was like, this is so weird. Like we've been having weekly sessions for three years. I was like, what happened? Yeah. I was like, what happened? And when I looked at what happened, I realized had we cleared the root cause of what she was trying to achieve, it would have caused her entire structure of her business to collapse. It's not time yet. And I looked at it and I was like wisdom. So remember too, sometimes you're avoiding doing the work as well because there's a part of it to that. It could crash and burn parts of your life. If here's my suggestion to if you ever catch that as a coach myself and working with people, we either find a strategy around it, or we also come to terms with maybe this isn't the thing to work on right now. And we focus on other things and maybe what you thought you needed to get. Was actually not necessary. So it's nice to do the reflection because then we can come back and do other things. But I've noticed that as well, where it's listen to there's, Oh my God, it's so such you can find, there's so much detail in it. I can't even, it's hard to explain sometimes. And I'm explaining it and I'm like, I'm going into these fine tune details, but the more you learn about yourself basically, and the more you understand who you are, why you do the things you do, your life purpose, the more that you'll actually understand these intricacies that I'm talking about. Within your own life. And so that's why part of what I share on a regular basis is get to know who you are, get to know what your life purpose is, learn. You ask that question, what was your biggest money challenge? It's learn what made you, who you are today. And then when these little interesting or excuse me, intricacies come up, you can understand it to a greater degree. Yeah. And don't be,

Stoy:
29:14

don't be afraid of it. Don't be afraid to do some self work. It's yourself. Like ultimately at the end of the day, it's you and your body and yourself and everyone else can piss off until you figure out who you are. So just do that. I don't know how to tell people more. Just take that step to do it. And it'll change a lot. You don't have to be the perfect person. You don't have to do any of that. Get to understand when things do a certain way and what you. And how you operate, it'll make life a lot easier as we're getting to the end, right? We're at about 30 minutes. What is one or a couple of things that you want to leave These listeners with in order for them to take that next step. And then next step could be just like working on themselves. Like we just talked about, it could be working with you or it could just be in general in life. For them to grow for them to take that next step.

Carly Pepin:
30:04

Yeah definitely. I think just a reminder. It doesn't have to suck. It's like you were saying take that step when I was, and this isn't for all therapists. Some therapists are amazing, by the way, but the therapist I found apparently weren't for me and I would go and we would just sit there and talk about like pain and I would leave and I'd feel worse than when I came. In every session that I have with clients, like my goal is you're going to walk away feeling better than you came. And that's some of the difference between, and I know not all coaches are like this, but it's like people who really are dedicated to their practice. They're not marketers. They're coaches. They're understanding human behavior, which it sounds like you have a, an in depth understanding of human behavior to a degree. It's yeah. It's not about just sitting there talking about a story. It's about overcoming it. And when you overcome it, you feel better, not just at the end of the call, but in life in general. And so when we're talking about working on yourself, like that's also what we're talking about. So remember that too, it's really important. And whether you work with me or anyone else on the planet, Just go for it. For me, it doesn't matter if you just work with me I'd love for you to just experience it to a greater degree, experience yourself, clear guilt, shames, prides, all that stuff and get to the other side and saying that if I am of interest, you can find me on my website, carlypeppin. com.

Stoy:
31:23

Here we go. Really? Just take the next step, folks. Yeah. And have fun with it, right? Just take the next step and have fun. See where the journey leads you, but it is a lifelong work of journey that goes for both your mental state, your physical state, and also guess what? Your financial state, they're all in the same, they're all integrated. And when you start working on one, the other going to come up with it. So without further ado, go to her. Website as well. We'll have that all in the description and we'll chat soon.

Black Mammoth:
31:53

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