The BS We’re Fed About Divorce and Money

Here’s the script most people are sold in divorce:

• “Just split everything 50/50 and call it a day.”

• “The pension value on that sheet is accurate—don’t worry about it.”

• “We’ll just cash some of the 401(k) out and divide it.”

• “Your attorney will handle the money stuff.”

That’s how multi-six-figure mistakes get baked into legal documents that follow you for the next 20–30 years.

Let’s be real:

• Most people are emotionally done by the time the settlement shows up. They’ll sign almost anything to stop the bleeding.

• Attorneys are trained in law, not in pensions, actuarial math, tax strategy, or the long-term compounding effect of getting this wrong.

• Nobody explains what a QDRO really is, how pensions are actually valued, or how one bad decision with your retirement accounts can blow up your future tax bill.

So people sign.
They move out.
They try to rebuild.

And only later do they realize:
They didn’t just divorce a person. They divorced a big chunk of their future wealth too.

The No BS Reality: What Was Really Going On

When Jamie stepped in, he didn’t bring more emotion to the table. He brought math.

He re-ran the pension valuation using the right assumptions:

• Years of service

• Years married

• Interest rates

• Proper actuarial calculations

The “value” being used in the settlement was way off. We’re not talking a rounding error. We’re talking hundreds of thousands off.

Then he dug into the 401(k) and QDRO strategy. The way it was originally structured would have created an unnecessary tax hit. Money she could’ve kept was about to get chewed up by avoidable taxes and poor structure.

Put bluntly:

• The pension was undervalued.

• The retirement split was inefficient and tax-heavy.

• The home was in play in a way that didn’t reflect the true picture of her financial life or her daughter’s needs.

This is the part nobody wants to hear:

Your divorce attorney is not your financial planner.

They might be excellent at what they do. They might care deeply. But they are not specialists in pensions, long-term planning, or tax-efficient division of assets.

In Mary’s case, a 30-day divorce clarity review flipped the script:

• The pension number got corrected.

• The QDRO and retirement split were reworked to avoid unnecessary taxes.

• She was able to keep the house and protect far more of her retirement.

Same divorce.
Same people.
Completely different outcome—because someone finally checked the math.

Do This Next: Protect Yourself (or Someone You Love)

If divorce is anywhere near your life right now—yours, a friend’s, a client’s—here’s the move:

1. Treat Your Divorce Like a Medical Diagnosis

If a doctor recommended surgery, you’d want a second opinion, right?
Your divorce settlement is financial surgery. Get another set of eyes on it—especially if you have:

• A pension

• 401(k)s / 403(b)s / TSP

• A family home you’re trying to keep

• A special needs child or complex family situation

“Looks fair” is not good enough. You need “actually works for the next 20–30 years.”

2. Bring in a Money Pro, Not Just a Legal Pro

You need both:

• An attorney to handle the law

• A financial planner / CDFA to handle the money

If your case involves pensions or multiple retirement accounts and you don’t have a financial professional involved, you’re flying blind. Full stop.

3. Question Every “Standard” Assumption

Push back on phrases like:

• “This is just how it’s done.”

• “We always value pensions like this.”

• “We’ll just split it down the middle.”

Ask:

• How was this pension actually valued?

• What assumptions were used?

• What are the tax implications of this split?

• What happens to my cash flow and housing in 3, 5, 10 years if we do it this way?

If nobody can answer those clearly, you don’t have a settlement—you have a guess.

4. Protect the House and the Future

This isn’t just about “keeping the house at all costs.”
It’s about making sure:

• Your housing decision aligns with your long-term cash flow

• You’re not trading away retirement stability to hang onto a house you can’t afford

• Or worse, losing a house you could have kept if the numbers were done right

In Mary’s case, the right math made keeping the home possible and smart. But that only showed up once somebody really dug in.

5. Watch, Learn, Then Act

If you want to see exactly how this played out and what to listen for in your own situation, watch the full conversation with Jamie. Sometimes the fastest way to wake up to your own risk is to hear someone else’s close call.